Whining

I've been running for several years.  I dabbled in it pre-Jacob, but it was really after his birth that I got "serious" about it.  It helps me think.  It helps me feel strong.  What it hasn't done much of is help me lose weight.  The title of this post is whining for a reason.  I'm going to feel sorry for myself a little here.  Before my last round of fertility treatments, I had upped my mileage to almost 7 miles.  Last June I ran a 10k (6.2 miles) in about 65 minutes, which was awesome.  When we decided to re-start fertility treatments I had to stop running per order of the doctor.  None of that turned out too well, and I ended up losing what felt like all of my base fitness and started back again in November.  Since then, I've built back up to about 4.5 miles, but despite eating tons of salads (sans dressing, even) and soups, and cutting down carbs, my weight is holding steady at a place I don't want it.  I have PCOS, which makes it very hard for me to drop weight without the aid of medications.  But this time around, I want to do it myself.  I want to change my lifestyle and live healthier.  We are trying to eat less processed foods, and come springtime, will be buying into a CSA from a local farm.  I'm excited about these changes, and know that no matter what happens on the scale, they are the right things to do for me and my family....But WAHHH!!!!  Why do I have to work so much harder than everyone else at life?  Okay, Okay, I am being dramatic.  I know this.  But that is how it feels sometimes.

My friends and I are doing a Biggest Loser at work.  I am really trying hard to make changes.  There aren't a lot of things I can easily cut out.  I don't drink soda, I don't have chips in the house, I don't eat ice cream every night...Everyone else has something they can just magically whisk away and start dropping weight.  I know I shouldn't be focused on the numbers.  I DO feel healthier and stronger.  I take pride in knowing that I could whup most if not all of them on the road running.  It just stinks that I don't get to see outward results very easily, if at all.

Mike and I are going to do a "mud run" together this summer.  He literally will NOT have to train.  Somehow the man can go out and run 5 miles without having run a step in the prior 5 years.  He's genetically blessed in areas that I clearly am not.  We hope to have some friends join us in this.  I will need him there with me to convince me I can conquer the obstacles.  He is one of the few people in my life that gives me confidence when I feel like curling into a ball and hiding.  My Dad would be the other.  I will for sure need him to prop me up mentally when we get to the first obstacle!  He has also mentioned that he would like to set up a training course out on our back trails.  He really is awesome and amazing.

The other big goal in the back of my mind is a half marathon in September.  Come springtime I will gauge where I am at and decide if I want to proclaim my entry to it.  I really feel like I can make it happen barring any injury. The fact that I am even considering a Half Marathon is almost an accomplishment in and of itself.

I suppose I need to focus on all these positives (and there are quite a few).  I hope that if I just stay strong and steady, my body will slowly start to change itself for me.  If nothing else, I know I am making my heart stronger, and for a woman with PCOS, that is always important.  I'll talk more about PCOS at some point.  It's the bane of my existence, and this year I'd like to become more proactive in taking care of the symptoms naturally...

http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm