Predicament

I'm in a bit of a predicament these days.  My mom moved in with us at the end of October. The reasons are almost too many to run through, but suffice it to say, the last few years have not been prosperous for her.  She got evicted from her apartment and had nowhere to go.  What else could we do?

I can't remember a time when my mother and I were close.  I think that we must have been when I was little, but I have no memories of feeling great comfort or affection for her.  That sounds terrible, doesn't it?  It's one of those things I hesitate to write down.  I love her, because she's my mom, but we don't "click".  The episodes that led to the cementing of my ambivalent feelings toward her occurred when I was a young adult.  My parents divorced when I was18.  I was at UMASS, but my little brother and sister were at home to deal with it.  The year prior, my mom's mom dies, and my mom started to lose her grip on real life, it seemed like.  She started doing drugs, and had terrible boyfriends.  My Dad took the kids to Maine with him, and she went downhill from then on.  She blew through her inheritance, lost the house, lost her job, and then moved to Texas with a man who eventually knocked her teeth out and put her in a homeless shelter.

She came back to Massachusetts and started living with my Aunt.  During all this time, we occasionally chatted, but nothing of consequence.  I tried occasionally to bury the hatchet, but every time I did, my mom would just say something crazy.  It was hard for me to understand how the life she was living now was better than the one she had with my father.  

To make a 20 year long story fit into a space that someone might be able to read, I still wonder how she thinks her life turned out.  But you can't ask my mom questions.  She doesn't really answer them.  She talks, but she doesn't answer.  She's been diagnosed with some mood disorders, but won't take meds.  She never got her front teeth fixed.  She still asks and takes money from my father, even when she was living with her long time boyfriend.  She's been unemployed for 3 years.  When she moved in here, she'd go out for 30 minutes and apply for jobs.  She STILL hasn't applied to certain large jobs in the area.  She is routinely rude to people, but doesn't seem to know it. The other day she got her hair cut, and said to the woman at the end "Well, I could have done that".  

The fact that my Dad has supported her basically since the divorce kills me.  I know it's on my Dad- it's his decision.  But what about self respect?  I know I'm hard on her.  Since Jacob was born, I've tried to let go of the past, and just deal with her now.  I let her back into my life so Jacob could have a Nana, and so she could experience her grandson.  She barely saw him before she moved in.  She never had a truck to drive out here, and if she did, she had no gas money.  I didn't take it upon myself to bring him to her smoke filled apartment with her drunk, loud boyfriend.  

So now she's here.  She did a medical assisting school, but isn't getting placed anywhere, and honestly, I'd be surprised if she did.  Mike and I try and take advantage and get some us time while she's here, but feeding an extra mouth makes it less likely for us to splurge on a night out for ourselves.  I don't know what to do, or how long to let her stay.  I feel like a terrible daughter for even wondering.  But we can't have her here indefinitely.  It hasn't been positive for any of us.  How do you kick your mom out of your house, particularly if she literally has nowhere else to go?  We decided a year is fair...now we just need to broach the subject with her.  I am sure she will play the part of a victim, as always, but it's hard enough to keep our finances afloat without adding another.  She has a dog, who I have already spent about 100 bucks on for exams and shots.  It's not a huge amount, but it adds up.  

Mostly, I just wish I had a different relationship with my mom.  I know she is who she is, and I can't change that.  We are just so different.  We would never keep company with each other if we weren't related.  I suppose family is good for that...teaching you acceptance no matter what.  I just wish it was an Aunt or Uncle I was learning to accept no matter what...Not my mom.