I'm supposed to be on vacation right now. Supposed to be in Vermont hanging with my friends on a dairy farm, cleaning stalls, enjoying the gorgeous weather. I'm at work. My doctors visits for "Operation Try To Convince Your Body To Ovulate" have conveniently fallen smack dab in the middle of the week. It's really great. I am so angry and frustrated with the whole process that I can't even begin to explain my feelings. I can't listen to another person offer me advice and tell me that if I just keep waiting and stay positive- thats the worst- that everything will work out fine. THEY aren't the ones that get u/s and labwork every 3-4 days and nothing changes. I told a friend today that if I am still getting no response in 3 months, I have to stop. I can't take it. My whole life is on hold and being disrupted every week, and for nothing. She said "I guess it depends on how bad you want it." F-you, alleged confidante. F-you and your ideas on what it's like for me to go through this.
Just to make my life more difficult, my riding instructor pulled me aside at my last lesson and told me he wanted me to move up a level to jumping. Why is that bad you ask? Well, turns out if you want to jump, you have to pay out the nose for it. Which, when I had to dip into my savings account to sign up for the initial lesson package, is not a good thing. Sigh.
Here's to hoping that something in my life will become easier in the next week or so. I'm so tired.
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