Questions

I love being a mom. I do. It's the most rewarding, amazing experience I have yet to take part of in life. But there are times I miss just being me. It's so easy to see how a mom can get swept away from herself so quickly. Especially for those of us who have battled infertility. The years of treatment...you really lose a sense of self. You become a bit of a shell, waiting to be filled by the baby you want so badly.

Now he's here, and he is my world. My pride. My joy. My frustration. My helplessness. He is all that I am right now. I imagine at some point I'll be able to read again. I'll be able to ride again. It's been so long since I was just me. I've been Alicia trying to have a baby for so long, and now I am Alicia, Jacob's mom. Nothing makes me happier than finally being able to say it, but that is what I am right now. A mom.

I've been so sentimental about the past recently. I think bringing in the New Year made me think back to all my other new years...and how it'll have been 9 years since I graduated UMASS this year. Makes you wonder where all the years went. Makes you wish you had spent your time alone or as a couple more constructively.

"They" like to say hindsight is 20/20. It's so ridiculously true. But you can't get caught up in the things you either did or didn't do in the past. You must focus on your success, your accomplishments, your growths. We all need to stop and be thankful for what we do have these days.

I have a husband who adores me. I have a beautiful, smart baby boy. Now I need to find the part of me that I used to have, and let her back out into the world. My husband will appreciate it. My baby will be better for it. My soul will be fuller because of it.

Sparkly eyes...I command you to come out and play again!!!

*Me and Mike when I had not a care in the world...I know those days will never come back, and I don't want them to- I just feel a need to reclaim myself soon...